A wheelie.  That strange and mysterious process which has haunted and mystified man ever since brave souls first climbed atop oversized wheels of the first bicycles.  That terrifying and exhilarating piece of magic that is sure to set crowds ogling and swooning.  The wheelie.  The ultimate home-made defiance of physics and personal safety.  The bane of parents and kneecaps, the saint of the bicycle helmet industry and the undisputed king of neighborhood cool.  Amazing, entrancing, dangerous and fun.  The famed and fabled.  The Wheelie.

But how does one accomplish this famous little bit of one-wheeled magic?  For such a simple thing as riding on a rear wheel, its a surprisingly difficult task.  Its also a task which is dangerous, stupid, and not advisable under any circumstance.  One would have to be rather silly to even think about attempting such a task for the sheer excitement and exhilaration that it offers.  It’s simply not smart.  Read a book instead.  Watch a scary movie.  Find a way to get a thrill in a safe, sane environment.  Do not try to do a wheelie.  It’s not smart.  With that being said, grab a helmet and complete these simple steps and you will soon be the wheelie-popping envied rebel of the neighborhood:

Perhaps the most important preparation is getting a good solid helmet.  Look for CPSC (Consumer Product Safety Commission) Crash Safety Standard Certified helmets.  The inner workings of the brain are a very special and fragile thing, and it is inadvisable to cut corners when protection it from likely wheelie-related damage.  A good working bike is also important.  You’ll want a bike has enough power in first gear to pop the front end up into the air on its own.  Make sure the bike is well oiled and finely tuned.  Pay particular attention to the rear brakes.  Every bike is a little bit different- so make sure to be in touch with your own bike and know what makes it tick.  Also look for a bike that can withstand the inevitable wheelie-related tumble.

Practice on a smooth, flat surface.  Some beginners prefer to learn on a gentle downhill slope.  Be warned, however, that this can make the bike difficult to control and potentially lead to disaster.  Start out doing wheelies on a bicycle.  This will give you a feel for what its like to be riding up on just your rear wheel.  Most bicycles will work, although BMX bikes are much easier.  To date nobody has conquered the wheelie on a recumbent bicycle.  That would be ridiculous.  Once your have mastered the wheelie on a push-bike, you’re ready to experiment on a street bike (although, as previously stated, you shouldn’t do this because its stupid and dangerous).

Put the bike in first gear and get rolling as fast as it can.  Aim for thirty miles-per-hour.  When the engine starts to whine with a little more throttle, let off a little bit and then attack it with lots of gas.  This has the general effect of confusing your bike, making it freak out a rear up like an elephant who sees a mouse.  The front end of the bike will either start feeling pretty light, or it might actually fly up into the air.

Now you’ve reached a critical point in your first wheelie- where the front of your bike is flailing awkwardly in the air and your angry engine is trying to figure out what its done to deserve such treatment.  And the next step is probably going to hurt.  Coming back down too suddenly will cause the front wheel to wobble, which results in a grown person being catapulted over their handlebars and into the loving arms of hard pavement.  If this idea doesn’t appeal to you, you are probably not cut out for the wheelie life.  After crashing several times, if you haven’t given up and you’re not in the hospital, you will begin to wonder if there is some way of doing this without leaving the bike.  The more gently you can ease the bike back to the pavement the greater your chances.  This easing is easier said than eased, but it will get easier the more you ease.

This whole unrefined process is called a “roll on power wheelie.”  The idea is fairly primitive, as you may have gathered, based harnessing the natural results of high power and high torsion.  Once this is mastered, the more elegant “slip clutch wheelie” can be attempted.  However, do not attempt any of the more difficult wheelies before first getting a solid understanding of the “roll on power wheelie.”  With a great deal of luck, persistence and blood you’ll be moving on up to the more complicated wheelies soon enough.  Or maybe you’ll die.